花开花落

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MSN不听话。所以我又另立了一个相册。算是对暑假生活的总结。想知道我最近是否还保持人样的朋友可以抽空去看看，呵呵：http://amandawang.myphotoalbum.com/albums.php 

最近是想要的生活状态. 早上很早起来,看窗外的蓝天白云. 还有水波映着阳光晃啊晃眼睛.夜晚也不必赶时间,不用像在香港一样步伐匆忙.可以坐在公车的尾排,任性地发呆.美国acting class培养出来的习惯现在还在,偶尔观察人们的小细节,再抿嘴而笑,也不理会旁人诧异的眼光.

 

睡觉前,会听着音乐,翻翻喜欢的书.周末肚子饿了,会突发奇想地自制苹果-黄瓜-乳酪三明治:)

 

趴在阳台的栏杆上,才发现夜晚的水面有多漂亮.

 

也会发现,不管月亮是否显露出她娇贵的身影,星星却总会不屈不挠地发着光.

 

好久都不曾有的一种状态.

 

银行的同事都很好.会很照顾我,包容我.像个大家庭一样.那天谈到搬家,大家都笑着对我说,没问题,一定去帮忙.

 

今天却有人突然问道:难道你们学校没有男同学吗?

 

只是一愣.对啊,学校里并不是没有男生,只能怪自己,太爱逞强.想起去年暑假的那一天,一个人将一间房子的东西,一抽屉一抽屉的,由一栋楼搬到另一栋.累到掉了眼泪,还逼着告诉自己要坚强.

 

其实只是太习惯将自己封闭起来. 其实有些事,我并不是想一个人承担.

 

最后,谢谢你们,让我知道,什么叫做缘分:)

 

 

其实现在想来才发现，自己一路上都像个被宠坏的孩子。小时虽然是没有跟着母亲，但却有了一位百里挑一的阿姨，将我仿似亲生女儿般娇养。更加有一位在老家德高望重的爷爷，叫旁人羡煞。

 

在小学，也是老师偏爱的好学生。却因为偏科偏得厉害，中学并没有考上重点班。记得那时在老师办公室，在爸爸的身后，头深深低着，手里不断捏着衣角。不肯抬头。一直到跟着老师走进了重点班，还是死死捏着衣角，走进教室最后一排。只是不敢抬头看爸爸。初三时不论寒暑，爸爸都会用摩托车将我载回家，又将我送去学校，只为我能够每天得到充足的休息。而我当时所能做的，也只是争取到一张华师一的录取通知书而已。

 

高中时，又开始做着出国留学的梦，于是三天两天就从学校请假，忙着考托福，写申请表。惟幸家人一如既往的支持我，打电话给老师解释。拿到UVa offer的那一天，仿若灰姑娘得到了水晶鞋一般，幸喜若狂。但或许是自己并不配作灰姑娘吧。当签证官简单利落的拒绝了我之后，泪水似乎就要涌了出来。但我仍然用尽所有勇气，微笑着对她说：thank you very much. have a nice day!

 

几天之后，又传来高考失利的消息。只是愣了愣，然后说了声“哦”。已是预料之中的事，有得便有失。但就在家人为我在武汉上大学作打算时，却收到了岭南的通知书。这所在香港名气平平的学校，却给家里带来当时无以伦比的欢乐。我笑着，凿凿地对爷爷说：我在香港安顿好了，一定接您过去玩。

 

以为自己已经很坚强，承受能力已经不错。突然间才发现，自己原来是这样脆弱。其实，我应该感谢上苍，给我一个机会，让我发现自己的无能，也渐渐将我引导入现实社会。

 

没有了家人的呵护，我还能坚持下去吗？其实我真的很想很想问爷爷，要怎样，才能变得更加坚强呢？为什么文革的时候，大家对您百般羞辱，您还是忍气吞声，任劳任怨？为什么我每次为取地向您抱怨时，您总能笑眯眯的让我破涕为笑？而那样深入骨髓的疼痛，年届70的您又是怎样咬紧牙关度过的呢？我也很想很想问妈妈，为什么可以在下放时那样艰难的情况下，为对自己诽谤多次的人下一碗鸡蛋肉面？

 

虽然我知道有太长的一段距离，但是我真的希望自己能够成为大长今这样的女性。柔弱的身躯之下藏着一颗难以想象的坚毅的，包容的心。曾经对爷爷说，您虽然是快要落山的太阳，却仍有照亮我们全家的力量。而我，什么时候也能够像爷爷那样，成为家人的太阳呢？

 

一直以来，为着一些事，忽略了很多很多。知道这些也许是永远无法再补回来。我应该谢谢所有的人，一直支持我的，现在在我身边的，以及，曾经支持过我的。有美好的回忆，已经足够。剩下的路，要自己一个人去走。希望有一天，就算是行在满是荆棘的路上，也能面带宁静平和的微笑。

 

以前些日志，很少会写到过去的生活，和内心深处的想法。这一篇，给自己看，算是反省，也是鼓励。

 

 

 

 

 

Today one friend told me that he is gonna cry when I leave...not for sure how serious he was, but I still feel moved. One term--10 weeks--is short. So you realize that you should cherish someone by your side if you can sense his/her leaving. However, whole university life--4 years--is still short and some friends beside you may lose all their tracks at some point in life. How could you not cherish their single smile, their single warm hug NOW?

 

In Carleton, every Friday is a thanks giving day. A flower company would come here and people could buy flowers, wrap them up, stick a small card with their words on, and put them in the receiver's mailboxes. It is a way to express gratiitude, friendship and love. It is also a way to fill the cold air with laughs and joys. Really, it is good to feel that you are being cared and loved...

 

 

 

 

 

Ok I admit that it has been a long time since I left sth in this space...so in order to let you know that I am still alive & keep u guys from forgetting me, I decide to write sth now.

 

Basically, it is a very nice campus. I love it here esp in fall season, when trees begin turning red and the sunshine becomes sth u really enjoy (but not the annoying one in the summer..). Maybe next time I would post some pictures here on my space named "the beautiful campus of Carleton". We have a nice library (with a penguin greeting you -___-), delicate chapel and a FREE cookie house!! All the materials are free, and all you do is just bake some cookies and enjoy them with your friends in a nice afternoon. There is even free milk!! >>.<<

 

And the people here are all incredibly nice. Here we have students from all over the world: China, Korea, Japan, Canada, Kenya, Nepal...u name it :P I got to know what "CULTURE SHOCK" means when one freshman guy told me that he has been married for two years and could now choose another wife for himself...(I guess that would be what all guys dream of). Another culture shock is that people enjoy streaking here a lot!! ---men and women! (gosh, I should've taken some pics of streakers so that u would really understand Carleton culture..)

 

Hmm...what else? I guess you might have an interest on what I am doing here (for those who don't, please bear with me). I am only taking three couses, but the working load is still heavy. Actually I am on an acting course now and would put on a scene in the Shakespear play "Tempest" soon :P  Wish me good luck~~ I am also learning Japanese and Social Dancing. We have all kinds of activities here..surely you wouldn't find yourself boring. From Mon to Fri we have all kinds of cultural gatherings (tonight I went to a Japanese movie~~). You could also enjoy free Chinese & French food. On weekends ALL people get drunk...parties everywhere. I have already been invited to one dinner, one party and one Chinese gathering for the coming Friday...>.< Yeah, just wanna tell you that we also have lots of fun here apart from studying!!

 

Sorry for writing so much....I just have got so much to tell you. Please DO KEEP IN TOUCH MY DEAR FRIENDS!!!! I am glad to hear that what's going on in our lovely Lingnan too~~:P